Worst Thing Ever

WRITING PROMPT:

What's the worst/meanest thing you've ever done or said to someone?  How did it make you feel in that moment?  How does it make you feel looking back?

They also had the option to write about something mean that had been done or said to them.

Students took a few minutes to write about this prompt.  They wanted to know if they had to put their name on it, if I was going to collect it, if it had to be school appropriate.  The answer was no to all three questions.  This is not an attempt to pry into their private lives and see who's the worst.  This is a chance for them to reflect, privately, on some things that they may regret.

After they were finished writing a few students were brave enough to share.  One girl shared that she had been bullied as a child.  That many peers had told her to just kill herself.  At the time she had felt very depressed and alone, but looking back at it now, she realizes that there were a lot of people who would have missed her.  That she really isn't alone.  Several classmates agreed that they would miss her if she was gone.

Student shared stories about yelling at their parents, telling them they hated them.  I shared a story from one of last year's students.  He had told his grandfather that he hated him and that was the last time he ever spoke to him.  He died the next day.  This student will never get forgiveness from his grand father.  But I told him then, and I told these students now, that it is okay to forgive yourself.  You can learn from your mistakes and vow not to repeat them and let yourself move on with your life.

Their challenge this week is to apologize.  Maybe not for this WORST THING EVER, maybe that's too big and too impossible, but for something.  If you bump into someone, say you're sorry.  If you accidentally knock something out of someone's hand, apologize.  If you catch yourself making insensitive comments, take the time to correct yourself.

Apology Quote

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” -Benjamin Franklin

Students wrote about what they think the quote means.  A few words of wisdom from the students...

• "It's like Dr. Phil says...if you say I love you, but...  all people hear is what comes after the but.  Everything you said before the but doesn't matter."
• "When you give an excuse it's like you're trying to put the blame on someone else."

An apology is not an excuse, not an explanation of why you did what you did.  It is a chance to acknowledge your wrong doing, to accept that your actions may have hurt or inconvenienced someone else.  This is your chance to take responsibility for your actions.  To let someone know that you understand that you messed up.
Do not cheapen it by offering excuses or reasons.  Do not cheapen it by making it seem like no big deal, like it wasn't your fault.
Just be sorry, honestly, truly, sincerely.

Get to Know You...BINGO

Yesterday we played "Get to know you BINGO".  This is a fun way for students to get to know one another, while emphasizing how much we have in common.  They really enjoy this game and sometimes we go for Blackout...

Prom Date Dilema

Today's discussion was a bit more light hearted.  I posed an ethical dilema that was relevant, given that Homecoming was right around the corner.

Dilema:
You've agreed to go to the Homecoming Dance with a date that you really consider to be just a friend...  It will be fun, you'll meet up with other friends at the dance, etc.  The next day someone that you really like asks you to go to the dance with them...!

What should you do?

The students enjoyed this conversation and really got into it.  In every single class I had at least one student (usually males) decide to try to take them both!!  Fun conversation.

Message from student

 Yesterday I received this email from a student in one of my classes.

Hey, this is *****  I'm in your math class and we have been talking about bullying. I saw this on pinterest and though how true this is...

This made me really believe that these students are taking this message to heart!  It is changing the way they interact with the world.  It is opening their eyes to a new philosophy.

Postive Affirmations

Today students received an index card.  On this card they were told to write something positive that they hoped to accomplish today.  Something like...

• "I will give 100% today."
• "I will ace this test."
• "I will get my homework done tonight."
• "I will stay focused and on task."
• "I will have a GREAT DAY!"

 After writing on their card they were to fold it up and put it in their pocket.  They would probably forget about it, but at some point later in the day they would put their hand in their pocket and think..."What's this?  Oh, that's right...I'm having a great day!!"
We talked about the idea of a "self-fulfilling-prophecy" and the fact that they are usually negative.  You tell yourself - convince yourself that you are going to fail and what happens?  You fail! Not because it was impossible to succeed but simply because you believed you would fail.  It is possible to flip that around.  If you believe that you will succeed - and really convince yourself of that - chance are you will!

100 Reasons to Stay Video

On our last Professional Development day we were shown a video put together by students at the University of Oregon as part of an anti-suicide campaign.  Students and staff members give 100 Reasons to Stay.

 Before showing this video I asked my student how many of them had themselves or had know someone who has seriously considered suicide.  It was over half the class!!  This is a very real issue that we tend to avoid discussing because it is so uncomfortable.  What this implies to our students is that it's not okay to talk about it... so they don't!

After showing this video to my students I told them...

"You have no idea how amazing your life is going to be.  High school can be really difficult.  You have hormones raging, you have issues with friends, issues with boys, issues with girls, issues with parents, issues with school.  It can really drive you crazy.  The best tool you can have is someone to talk to!  Find someone.  For most of you it's probably NOT your parents.  How many of you would feel comfortable talking to your parents if you were having a bad day? (Not many)  Find a friend, a teacher, a coach.  Talk about it!!"

Stand Up For Someone Challenge

We estimated that students hear someone say something mean at least once a day (that's a conservative estimate).  Every one of these instances is a chance to stand up for someone.  If someone is putting down a friend try saying:
"That person's my friend and I'd really rather not hear this."
OR
"I really like that person and I think they're really nice"

If they are talking about a teacher you can say:
"Teaching is a really hard job and I bet that person is doing the best they can."

If they are talking about a stranger you can say:
"You know, we don't really know that person.  Maybe they are having a really hard time..."

It's okay to stand up for yourself too!!  If your friends do or say things that make you uncomfortable - tell them!

A few days later they reported back to me.  A few students had stood up for their friends, a few of them had stood up for a teacher.  Mostly they stood up for each other - against a teacher!  Oh-well.  That's good too.

Stand Up Quote

"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."  -Albus Dumbledore (aka J.K. Rowling)


When you choose to stand up to an enemy (or a stranger) you've really got nothing to lose, but when you stand up to your friends you risk damaging that relationship.  Sometimes it's worth it!! 

Goalie gets bullied video

The day after the Whitney Kropp video we watched a YouTube video about Daniel Cui, a freshman goalie who was bullied after his team failed to win a single game.  His team rallied around him, followed by lots of other classmates.  They used Facebook to show Daniel how much he was appreciated.
The class really enjoyed the video, and we talked about what Whitney and Daniel had in common - people willing to stand up for them... Everyone deserves that!

Homecoming Prank Video

Today's lesson starts with a video introducing Whitney Kropp, a senior from West Branch Michigan.  Whitney was nominated to Homecoming Court as a prank.  Her classmates thought it would be funny to watch her be humiliated by this experience.  To Whitney's surprise the town rallied around her with an outpouring of support.  She decided to go through with the experience and not let herself be a joke to her bullies.  The second video shows Whitney at the half-time Homecoming ceremony.

The comments that came up after the video were very encouraging.  One boy asked "What's wrong with her?" What he meant was why shouldn't she be homecoming queen, he didn't see any reason why it would be funny...no reason why she should be embarrassed or self-conscious...she seemed totally normal.  The rest of the class agreed.  We talked about why it seems funny to watch other people be miserable.  We agreed that it has become a very real and unfortunate part of our society.

Write a thank you letter

Think of someone in your life that deserves a thank you.  Tell them how you feel.  Tell them what they do for you and how much you appreciate.

This "assignment" was given about one month into the school year.  I had been working with a student whose schedule had been switched around several times.  She was very unhappy about it and was taking it out on me.  She had made several comments about how much she hated my class and that she just wanted to switch back to her old class.  At the end of class on this particular day I received a letter from her, not just thanking me for my kindness and patience, but also apologizing for her attitude...

Who is someone who deserves a thank you?  You deserve and apology and a thank you.  I want to say sorry for being rude.  It's not that I don't want to be in your class, I just have more friends in the other class.  Now I get that school isn't about friends.  I want to say thank you for being nice to me when I haven't even been nice to you.

The maturity that this student showed was really surprising.  She easily could have let our relationship continue in a negative way but she chose instead to take responsibility for her behavior and realize how it was affecting someone else.  We have had a really positive relationship since then.

Say Thank You Challenge

This week's challenge is to say thank you...every chance you get.  If someone opens a door for you, say thank you.  If someone prepares a meal, say thank you. If someone helps you with an assignment, say thank you.  If someone gives you a compliment, say thank you.  You'll be surprise at how it affects other people and maybe even more surprise at how good it makes you feel.

Gratitude

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." - William Arthur Ward

Week One's theme is gratitude.  We discussed how powerful it is to tell people how important they are and what they do for you.  It always feels great to know that you are appreciated and this is a gift that you carry around with you.  You have the power to make other people feel appreciated...and it costs you nothing!

Rachel's Challenge

Rachel Joy Scott was one of the first victims at the Columbine High School shooting in 1999.  She was convinced that she would leave behind a legacy...

"I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go." 

Since her death her family has created a foundation called Rachel's Challenge that visits high schools around the country to share her message of hope and community.  Her challenge is simple:

1. Look for the Best in Others
2. Dream Big
3. Choose Positive Influences
4. Speak with Kindness
5. Start your own Chain Reaction 

After participating in the Rachel's Challenge assembly at our school I decided to start working with the students in my classes to encourage them to work towards these goals and simply to think about how their actions can affect the people around them, for better or for worse.

Some days I share a quote, other days we may watch and discuss a video.  Some days we may write a letter or a journal entry, have a class discussion or do a get-to-know-you activity.  Each week there will be a Kindness Challenge, a simple suggestion to help students reach out to their community with kindness, generosity and compassion.  Since starting this program in my classes it has changed my perspective.  I am able to get to know my students in a completely different way.  It centers us as a class and community and focuses our energy in a very positive way.  In this blog I will share our daily activities and some of the amazing conversations and experience that develop.